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Christmas Time, Christmas Rewind

You've probably been home now for a couple days. Going back to where your journey started is special, particularly during the holidays.

For us East Coasters, the Christmas and New Years break is a winter vacation. Some find paradise in an island resort, we rediscover it in our local watering hole…while it’s 30 degrees out, and pitch black by 4:30pm.

You go home to do more than just drink though. It’s an opportunity to relive some of life’s lost traditions. Whether it’s playing a board game, or taking a casual walk around the block with your cousins. Just for some fresh air, not to sneak in any extra-curriculars when you shouldn’t be.

Everyone’s customs are unique to them. For me, it’s Back to the Future. While I acknowledge it’s not a Christmas movie, I’d always watch Doc and Marty deal with molecular structure, and thermo-displacement around the holidays with my grandparents.

I can’t go back in time to the early 90’s to watch Bob Zemeckis’ masterpiece, and eat massive quantities of Breyers Neapolitan ice cream with my grandparents, but I can rewind it here. Like we all do, every year in late December.

Here are the steps to enjoy, and navigate your time back home. From Marty McFly, Doctor Emmett Brown, and The Encyclopedia of Guys.

Step 1:

Attempt to not hit 88 miles per hour on Christmas Eve. There’s always one guy that goes too hard, and too fast the night before Christmas, don’t let that guy be you.

The Hill Valley kids didn’t have too many choices other than Lou’s Café in 1955. When you’re inside your version Lou’s this week, make sure you know when it’s time to depart. Lingering will only result in negative outcomes, like getting into a fight with a guy that’s bigger than you.

Toppling a guy like Biff is not in the cards for you, so don’t try it. Those heroic feats should be left to the 5′ 4″ “Irish-Bug.” Stick and move.

Step 2:

Staying on the act of leaving. There will be a moment when the idea of going from your variation Lou’s Café, to someone’s holiday party you haven’t seen in years gets brought up. Don’t do it.

Showing up to a late night party can feel like an unnecessary high school reunion. The odds of it going well are slim. You’ll be answering the, “what are you up to nowadays” question multiple times. You’re liable to be standing around awkwardly, out of place like Eric Stoltz as the original Marty McFly in the Twin Pines Mall parking lot.

Even if it is going relatively well. Remember, you hardly know anyone there. When Marty stood in for Marvin Berry, and jammed with the Starlighters, the Enchantment Under the Sea crowd was horrified.

You might drum up enough courage to grab the aux cord, and think you’re going to impress a room full of strangers with your musical taste, but you’re not. The chances those people are also interested in revisiting the insanely stupid notion that It Was Written is better than Illmatic are zero…don’t touch the music…just don’t go.

Step 3:

Between the slop Doc Brown was feeding Einstein, and the peanut brittle George was snacking on, the food in Back to the Future is less than appetizing. Assuming your home cooking is better, eat as much as you can.

Gaining weight is a badge of honor during the holidays. Embrace it. Lorraine put her blood, sweat, and tears into that Uncle Joey cake, (probably a dash of vodka too.) In just a couple days you’ll be back to your regularly scheduled boring diet, eating salads and yogurts again.

Luckily we don’t need any plutonium to generate 1.21 gigawatts to get back home. Soon we’ll be outta time though, so enjoy your Christmas time while it lasts.

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