There’s a strong case to be made that July 4th is the most important, and the most fun holiday.
As Dipset’s Jim Jones said, “Lord knows there be somethin’ bout that warm weather.”
It’s hard to replicate that summer time feeling. A long weekend filled with blue skies, a beach trip, or hangin’ poolside. Not to mention the food.
This is a huge weekend for guys to bring out their grills, smokers, and ‘Kiss the Cook’ aprons.
There’s only one thing that could make July 4th a more special holiday, and that’s football.
And it doesn’t get anymore American then talking quarterbacks on Independence Day.
If you had to show a solitary picture of what football is to an alien, this photo of Warren Moon at Washington, with his fro and loyal dog would be a solid choice.
Your prototypical QB1, it goes without saying Moon was a great player. He’s in the Canadian Hall of Fame, and he’s the first undrafted black quarterback to be enshrined into Pro Football Hall of Fame.
Somehow he wasn’t deemed to be an All-American coming out of high school, which is essentially like saying the cheeseburger isn’t a staple on your July 4th menu this weekend.
When all else fails, a solid cheeseburger won’t let you down. Although, I’m not sure about the placement of this lettuce and tomato, that should be on top of the burger, not at the bottom.
I guess no one is perfect, kinda like that one time Warren lost a 32 point lead to the Bills in ‘93.
Versatile and multidimensional, Michael Vick was a special player dating back to his Virginia Tech days.
With a cannon for a left arm, and the ability to shift gears like Barry Sanders in the open field, back in the late 90’s some may’ve said Vick was a hotdog.
Of course, we know now that Mike Vick and dogs is a sentence with negative connotations. The hot dog was once looked at in an unfavorable light as well.
Getting a bad rap for being concocted from leftover meat parts, the hot dog has taken it’s lumps in this country along the way.
But if there’s anything America loves more than a malleable tube of meat, it’s a comeback story.
This isn’t a time to calorie count. This is a time to pair your cheeseburger and hot dog with unconventional sides that you don’t consume on a regular basis.
Mac salad, potato salad, chicken salad, pasta salad…all of the carb related salads should be eaten on July 4th.
If you start to feel uncomfortable in your clothes, take a page out of Big Ben’s book and just wear black. It’s a simple slimming pro move out of the playbook from a two-time Super Bowl Champ, and future Hall of Famer.
Previously covered by The Encyclopedia here, gaining weight should be embraced on holidays, especially when there is no actual football on today. You might as well drown your sorrows in a styrofoam plate of your aunt’s famous potato salad with bacon bits.
Once your body has reached max capacity, and the sun starts to go down, it’s time for a night cap.
Again, over indulging isn’t meant to be perceived as shameful this weekend. It’s time to let it all hang out, and let the chips fall where they may. Just like everybody’s favorite gunslinger did.
Jay Cutler is that late night glass of bourbon you didn’t need after you’ve been sitting outside in the sun all day.
Even in your inebriated state though, Jay would agree to lay off the heaters.
Hopefully this didn’t take up too much of your time on the Fourth, and you can get back to the pool, or the beach, and obviously the food.
And now you can say that you got both today, the best that the fourth of July has to offer, and football. Together in harmony, as they should be.